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OK (Individually Speaking)

from Self​-​Talk EP by The Answers In Between

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lyrics

I’m better off unattached
I know you’re better off untied
You had your reasons, I didn’t need them
And it’s better I don’t wonder why

Walking on tightropes
With harnesses and safety nets
Doesn't matter; it still broke
Can't say when or if you fell into old patterns
When I did I should have been the first to know

It wasn’t okay
I know I put too much on you for me to stay
Even when I was relieved I didn’t fuck up and lose you every day
With no good reason to be that way
But it’ll be okay

Guards down, filters lowered maybe by then we were just tired
It was so hot out the couch became a funeral pyre
Head on your shoulder, over and over, I should have changed my wiring
But any action that we did would burn the other in the fire

I keep trying to take the right things from what happened in those hours
Was it somebody’s brain chemistry, was it just as much a lack of ours?
I looked at you, you looked at your phone I didn’t know how
I ever thought I would always stick around

It wasn’t okay
I tried to reach out, I know I’m wrong when I speculate
I don’t blame you at all I know I was a lot to take
For what I needed, and what I wanted without thinking all the way
And it’ll be okay

But it wasn’t okay
I’m sorry I asked so much of you then hoped you'd stay
Among more unspoken mistakes
I curse myself I curse my hands I curse my lack of restraint
Even when everything’s okay

If I took you at your word it would make sense why you would go
With all that you were going through, it’s best I didn’t follow
Not hard to wonder why you never let me look at you in awe
But when we got up close, why was the distance all I saw?

The more I knew the less I wanted to be you or yours
And when I said I needed space, wasn’t surprised you needed more
And I know I mattered to you but I still can’t shake the dissonance
My projection, your self-protection shifting us toward ambivalence

Either way
I know now like you did that I couldn’t stay
Pulling triggers, firing blanks,
Never a war but who would want to wait
Even blanks can kill in close enough range

So it’ll be okay
I can’t speak for you but I know that if we stayed
I’d be exhausted as you were by the end of that day
Lock myself into your orbit for all you gave, I would still say, you’re 30 million miles away

(There is a void I’ll fill alone
I’ll feel alone I’ll feel alone
There is a void but I know
You’re not alone and I’m not alone)

(The more I’m afraid to lose you the more I should and the more I will
I’m grateful you spared me you could have gone in for the kill)

(Fired away,
Your trust fades
There’s nothing more I need from you, or you want to say to me
I curse myself my hands and arms
Did I ease the pain or add to the harm
I accept if the answer’s in between)

credits

from Self​-​Talk EP, released April 8, 2022

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The Answers In Between New York, New York

FKA Fell From The Tree, AKA Transient Peak

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