I’m better off unattached I know you’re better off untied You had your reasons, I didn’t need them And it’s better I don’t wonder why Walking on tightropes With harnesses and safety nets Doesn’t matter, it still broke Can't say when or if you fell into old patterns When I did I should have been the first to know It wasn’t okay I know I put too much on you for me to stay Even when I was relieved I didn’t fuck up and lose you every day With no good reason to be that way But it’ll be okay Guards down, filters lowered maybe by then we were just tired It was so hot out that the couch became a funeral pyre Head on your shoulder, over and over, I should have changed my wiring But any action that we did would burn the other in the fire I keep trying to take the right things from what happened in those hours Was it somebody’s brain chemistry, was it just as much a lack of ours? I looked at you, you looked at your phone I didn’t know how I ever thought I would always stick around It wasn’t okay I tried to reach out, I know I’m wrong when I speculate I don’t blame you at all I know I was a lot to take For what I needed, and what I wanted without thinking all the way And it’ll be okay But it wasn’t okay I’m sorry I asked so much of you then hoped you'd stay Among more unspoken mistakes I curse myself I curse my hands I curse my lack of restraint Even when everything’s okay If I took you at your word it would make sense why you would go With all that you were going through, it’s best I didn’t follow Not hard to wonder why you never let me look at you in awe But when we got up close, why was the distance all I saw? The more I knew the less I wanted to be you or yours And when I said I needed space, wasn’t surprised you needed more And I know I mattered to you but I still can’t shake the dissonance Your self-protection and my projection shifting us toward ambivalence Either way I know now like you did that I couldn’t stay Pulling triggers, firing blanks, Never a war but who would want to wait Even blanks can kill in close enough range So it’ll be okay I can’t speak for you but I know that if we stayed I’d be exhausted as you were by the end of that day Lock myself into your orbit for all you gave, I would still say, you’re 30 million miles away (There is a void I’ll fill alone I’ll feel alone I’ll feel alone There is a void but I know You’re not alone and I’m not alone) (The more I’m afraid to lose you the more I should and the more I will I’m grateful you spared me you could have gone in for the kill) (Fired away, Your trust fades There’s nothing more I need from you, or you want to say to me I curse myself my hands and arms Did I ease the pain or add to the harm I accept if the answer’s in between)