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Self​-​Talk EP

by The Answers In Between

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1.
Can't Be One 03:11
Tell me what you need Say the word and I’ll be there All of me is ours to share Spill your guts and I’ll clean up So much to say I had to leave I saw the confluence downstream Wanted to sit you in a room uninhibited for days Lost in your thoughts but I walked away I knew we’d keep pushing into each other Until we’re caught on fire And we can’t be one there will always be a space We can’t be in the same place We can never be one So we’ll leave as we came Apart and unchanged Remnants of being obsessed Your name in my predictive text I don’t think less of you but I wish I could have thought of you less And it’s nothing you said it’s what you could that got to me I saw the confluence downstream If I can’t sit you in a room closing in on us Until we overlap but the atoms don’t touch So close we can almost repel each other Finally we catch on fire We can’t be one there will always be a space We can’t occupy the same place We can never be one It can only go so far Till we remember who we are We remember that we’re flawed It’s repeating like an old CD I see too much of you in me Bouncing ideas off a mirror the answers won’t come we can’t be one Something needs fixing we were clipping You could punch me in the shoulder, and you’d phase through Anything would have made us undone I never made sure that it was safe when it was deep I would have followed you downstream We can’t be one there will always be a space We can’t occupy the same place We can never be one So we’ll leave as we came Apart, unchanged It’s repeating like an Old CD In you I’ve seen too much of me It’s repeating like an Old CD I see too much of you in me It’s repeating like an Old CD If it’s killing you then it’s killing me It’s repeating like an Old CD You said it’s killing you and that’s killing me
2.
I’m better off unattached I know you’re better off untied You had your reasons, I didn’t need them And it’s better I don’t wonder why Walking on tightropes With harnesses and safety nets Doesn't matter; it still broke Can't say when or if you fell into old patterns When I did I should have been the first to know It wasn’t okay I know I put too much on you for me to stay Even when I was relieved I didn’t fuck up and lose you every day With no good reason to be that way But it’ll be okay Guards down, filters lowered maybe by then we were just tired It was so hot out the couch became a funeral pyre Head on your shoulder, over and over, I should have changed my wiring But any action that we did would burn the other in the fire I keep trying to take the right things from what happened in those hours Was it somebody’s brain chemistry, was it just as much a lack of ours? I looked at you, you looked at your phone I didn’t know how I ever thought I would always stick around It wasn’t okay I tried to reach out, I know I’m wrong when I speculate I don’t blame you at all I know I was a lot to take For what I needed, and what I wanted without thinking all the way And it’ll be okay But it wasn’t okay I’m sorry I asked so much of you then hoped you'd stay Among more unspoken mistakes I curse myself I curse my hands I curse my lack of restraint Even when everything’s okay If I took you at your word it would make sense why you would go With all that you were going through, it’s best I didn’t follow Not hard to wonder why you never let me look at you in awe But when we got up close, why was the distance all I saw? The more I knew the less I wanted to be you or yours And when I said I needed space, wasn’t surprised you needed more And I know I mattered to you but I still can’t shake the dissonance My projection, your self-protection shifting us toward ambivalence Either way I know now like you did that I couldn’t stay Pulling triggers, firing blanks, Never a war but who would want to wait Even blanks can kill in close enough range So it’ll be okay I can’t speak for you but I know that if we stayed I’d be exhausted as you were by the end of that day Lock myself into your orbit for all you gave, I would still say, you’re 30 million miles away (There is a void I’ll fill alone I’ll feel alone I’ll feel alone There is a void but I know You’re not alone and I’m not alone) (The more I’m afraid to lose you the more I should and the more I will I’m grateful you spared me you could have gone in for the kill) (Fired away, Your trust fades There’s nothing more I need from you, or you want to say to me I curse myself my hands and arms Did I ease the pain or add to the harm I accept if the answer’s in between)
3.
We built a bridge So we could always be connected Joining all our thoughts and senses Wander between and never leave A state of bliss We’d switch accounts and share our passwords We could turn into each other Total access was all we’d need And maybe I could see your reflection in the mirror Find safety in the way I dissolved and disappeared I look for you in everyone When I find you I run When I find you I run I look for you in everyone When I find you I run When I find you I run Late nights we hid I looked at your eyes you looked at mine In silence most of the time The only place I where I could breathe Don’t let them in We’ll switch to texts when they’re in the room They wouldn’t get what we’re up to It’s those moments I still grieve I look for it in everyone Til I find it and run Til I find it and run every day structured around you I'd do anything to keep you I’d take the blame For everything that you did wrong I could be everything you want So I could hide out in your body I’d forget my shame I’d have questions, you’d answer them Why did I ask and ask again? I told the truth, at least you believed me What would I say, what would you do if I ever let you, if you left me or if I ever left you? I look for you in everyone Even when I should run Even when I should run Yeah why would I get out Who would hear and still want me around Nothing I could talk about In my head and on the screen but nowhere to be found You cut the nerves The way I processed didn’t help Staying close made me hate myself All the wrong lessons received I said you deserved Everything I had and more Isn’t that what I asked for To be at a stranger’s mercy? every day structured around you Anything to keep you every day structured around you Anything to keep you The jokes we escalated You said you never hated it Still the only one who never felt I was too much What I try to recreate And don’t know til it’s too late There must be other ways to love I probably should hate you But I looked through your messages too I’ve forgiven us, it wasn’t our faults But I still miss the feeling, I still want to dissolve
4.
Sculpture 04:50
Sculpture There were reasons to tie myself to someone else But I didn’t want to merge I just wanted to be heard There were reasons to go off script and off the cliff But to freeze frame mid flight, ignore the part where they crashed and died Comorbidities aside, on my own I couldn’t survive Emotionally destitute, I couldn’t live right so I lived through I would soak it all up, I thought that would make me loved All I retained was secondhand pain I came back as a block of marble Hammered into a sculpture by him and them and her and her Without a blueprint, with their own shit Patient and undeterred So am I your friend? You’ll say you’re proud like I’m your project I’ll accept if the answer’s in between I couldn’t keep you out of harm's way with a serious face I just spoke as if I was prepping you to step in my place Because you spoke like you don't break, you get burned, it leaves no trace Maybe that's why I thought you’d take it when I’d take And maybe I should not have told you the misguided things I’ve done No charm offensives, no detonating lethal affection I don’t know why I worked so hard all the time to be let in As if I only improved to impress them Maybe the books were right That I couldn’t change and couldn’t grow And if I did, what did you know? Ah ah ah Ah ah ah I couldn’t trust myself to understand others so I became practical In return I could learn how to be less of a wreck As if everything’s a little bit transactional One day bending towards mutual respect But now at least the worst of it is starting to wither Every stranger I fell into is fading from view No more spinning out to whirlpools, no more flowing into rivers There must be lessons from this mess to hold on to All the ways that they’re open Like they’re giving me permission Ah ah ah To speak forever As if they wanted to listen Ah ah ah I relearn how to act Relearn to set a limit Ah ah ah Do better for myself And not to be forgiven There was a joke I made in my notes the other day that I’m sure you’d find funny but I keep it to myself I’ll find some distance between What I am and what you’ve seen Somehow in that gap I’ll figure out what I’ve felt I wish it came more naturally To build walls and speak more carefully But I’m fighting myself off until it’s back to all the books about setting and respecting boundaries now at least the worst of me is starting to wither Every stranger I fell into is fading from view I always said I’m proud too loud, condescension made you bitter Was there a way it could still mean something to you?
5.
Hotel Room 05:04
Did you forget who’s a stranger? They warned about it in fables To be free, to be one Drawn by anybody’s sound But cut it out You’re swept away when they burst You caused the flood, you get submerged This is why you’re called too much Why you have to turn around you let them down You let them down If you don’t turn around You’ll let them down Put out the flames regain control Evaporating the black hole Don’t let yourself go say much more Never go get so absorbed Stay right there outside arm's length Find the time and find the strength Put it out of your mind If it’s not too late to try No lines with people like us It’s not love and it’s not trust But the sirens crowd your thoughts The flashing lights always glow You have to go If walls were there, then they broke Hands to yourself, or you’ll choke You overwrote an overwrought apology, it’s overblown Damage control Give up control You should have stayed gone when you left When you learned that you’re a mess Everything afraid of you And you keep hiding yourself too Don’t try to be all someone needs What could you give them? you haven’t found it yourself You’ll wish you could take it back say, “you can count on me” All to lose your sanity, to strip away your boundaries You’ll find no closure no clarity In losing yourself completely You get close and it goes cold Or you’re already bound to blur Save your words Did you trick into trust There are more ways to love Than scouting out places to dump Until everyone has heard Save your words I’ll save my words It still floats around your head Takes too much to lay to rest You’ll love the way they cross a line It takes too much so let it die You know you can’t be all someone needs Hoping they’ll give you what you can’t find in yourself And you’ll wish you could take it back but you have to leave it be You’ll want peace, you’ll come up empty Ruminating keeps them with you someone will always forgive you Remember that you’re not in the right Your selfish empathy will always come to light You don’t want to be all someone needs Didn’t you say that you’d be enough for yourself? You’ll always want to talk again Fuck common sense and be a friend You should move on They’re fading in and out of view Revolving in your hotel room But it’s you, you’ve stayed too long You will never give them what they needed They will never give you what you needed It takes so much out of you just to leave it alone And these things always take on a mind of their own After what you’ll let happen Do what you can so it doesn’t again Talk it out lay it down find a way to stabilize And accept it’s okay when they need to leave your life After what I did I’ll do what I can so it doesn’t again

credits

released April 8, 2022

CREDITS:
All songs produced, mixed, and programmed by Hannah Jocelyn except Hotel Room, produced/programmed by Hannah Jocelyn and Cam Dasher

“Can’t Be One” drums by Chris Geller, additional guitars by Brosandi

“Sculpture” drums by Manae Solara Vaughn (recorded by Nayla Maya Jungheim), electric and acoustic guitars by Brosandi

“Hotel Room” additional synths and percussion by Cam Dasher, electric guitar by Dan Fine, additional vocals by Kaley MacLeod

“OK” single mastered by Gabi Grella
“Can’t Be One” single mastered by Tess Greenham

Final EP mastering by Amy Dragon

Cover art by Billie Fabrikant

Thanks to Eduardo De La Paz for giving me feedback about the mix for “Sculpture.”

Thanks to everyone that looked at these lyrics, listened to rough mixes, and encouraged me to see this weird project through. And everyone who heard me vent and process the chain of events that inspired these songs.

And to Ashley, who told me what limerence is.

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The Answers In Between New York, New York

FKA Fell From The Tree, AKA Transient Peak

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